Parenting Books are Sales Books in Disguise

The thing is not the thing... (also, I'm back!)

My youngest daughter called for me a little before six. She has a scheduled light that turns on when they can get out of the room. (It sounds horrible as I write it down, but really, it is the most humane approach for everyone involved, especially sleep-deprived parents.)

I walked into her room and she told me what was bothering her, "Dad, seagulls are going to break into my room and eat me."

She has reason for concern. Seagulls are beautiful and creepy at the same time. But they can't break through our roof. Plus, we don't have that many around.

She should be worried about the crows because there are thousands around the redwoods in our backyard.

Before reading parenting books, I'd have tried to reason with her and, through flawless logic, show her the errors of her imaginative ways. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered because that's not how kids interact with the world.

Now, I know that what she is telling me is not what the conversation is about. This I learned through parenting books, which are sales playbooks in disguise.

What my daughter was getting at, besides establishing that seagulls are scary, which they are, she was confirming that in the middle of the darkness, I was close by, she was checking to see if she was still part of the family, she was checking to see if she mattered.

In short, she was checking for connection.

This is no different than any other conversation you are having, whether sales, negotiations, or relationships. The thing is not the thing. The thing is an expression of a much more primal need.

When you understand the value (and not value in a business-y way but in an ontological way), the person you are talking to is looking for, then it is easier to have a conversation or frame your piece of that conversation.

What's one time you realized a conversation wasn't really about what was being said?

You may have noticed already that I'm back to writing more consistently.

After a year of attempting to combine all my writing under one roof, I have come to the conclusion that it still feels disjointed. So I might as well honor that.

To help you understand where my different writing lives, see the breakdown below: 

The Story Frame - My thoughts on storytelling, writing and communication. (Free Newsletter - Kajabi).

Unequivocally Ambiguous - Personal essays and stories on culture, society and relationships. (Free Newsletter - Substack).

Great Story, Grampa! is an occasional newsletter for updates on my events, releases, performances, and whereabouts. (Free Newsletter - Substack).

Thank you for your patience as I figure out this messy journey of being a writer.

If you want to connect with me on social, you can find me on LinkedIn for my professional avatar or on Instagram for my wannabe-artist persona.